Monday, October 11, 2010

Have you ever felt...?

Eaten So Far:
Bowl of Pasta
Glass of Coke Zero
Stuffed Zucchini (Which was surprisingly tasty)

Knitted So Far:
Since we last spoke I've started my dad's Christmas gift and have a good four feet on that scarf. (Pictures will be included soon)

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed that you just kind of shut down? Like there is so much coming in from this side and that side that you almost can't breath and rather than face it you just retreat to the security of your room?

This has been my week. Now in all earnest I really do try to keep up with reading and assignments but goodness...the schoolwork has been beyond overwhelming. Grad school is hard work and I knew it going in...I guess I'm just ready for it to be done already.
I've written several papers this week, checked out books from the library for a 8 to 10 page research paper due in 20 days, three articles that I have to contribute to a group assignment, and now supervising my brother's geometry homework. I fear that if school alone can become so overwhelming how will I ever survive the real world? I  mean, lives will be in my hands, people! Not just theoretical children and anonymous case studies but real, breathing, vital, children with disabilities. It's making me begin to question my ability to be any service to my children (my children meaning the children I'll be working with). I'm trying not to let this affect my confidence but it's just so difficult to not question or doubt. Is this really my path? Is this really where He wants me to be? I mean, my Lord wouldn't challenge me beyond what He knew I was capable of right?

I can't even say how much I yearn to work with my children. How much I want to know as much as I can so when I'm with those families, possibly in their lowest hours, I want to comfort them and show them it will really be ok..that their kids are just able and capable and smart as anyone else's kids. That, as a family, they can rejoice in their child and reap those benefits that come with having a child with a disability, the love and unity it can bring. It doesn't come with struggle of course but nothing is worth anything without that struggle.

Perhaps that's what I need to accept in myself. Nothing is worth anything if I don't have to struggle. My degree won't mean anything if I don't struggle for it.

So let's struggle in all we do...let's work hard and make that final product worth all the blood sweat and tears! Who's with me?!



My oops of the week...I was cabling and forgot to reintroduce the moved stitches on the main needle. OOPS!

This is my dad's scarf for Christmas. It's much longer now but still a WIP. You can find the pattern here.

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